Empathy is one of the most important aspects of our mental health; however, it is often hugely misunderstood. Many people believe that empathy is something you must have direct experience with in order to feel and understand – for example, if you have a friend who works as a teacher in a primary school and they tell you that one of the children they teach is troublesome. If you’ve never worked with children, or don’t have a child of your own, you may feel like you have nothing meaningful to contribute to the conversation. This then leads to an inability to offer empathy or understanding.
This is a common misconception about empathy. The truth is, you don’t need to have the same experience to offer empathy and understanding. Think about the times you’ve watched a film or read a book – have you ever been emotionally moved? Have you felt like you understood the character, cried for them, or felt anger or fear on their behalf?
That’s empathy! Especially considering that you know full well that the stories are fictional, you still felt an emotional connection to the characters, as if they were real.
With this in mind, can you see how having the same experiences as someone else is irrelevant to showing empathy and understanding?
In a therapeutic setting, many clients wonder whether a therapist’s empathy is genuine, especially when the therapist hasn’t had exactly the same experiences, or when they are not a personal friend or family member. However, as mentioned above, it is not necessary to engage on a personal or emotional level in order to experience empathy.
Empathy should not be forced or displayed as a façade. When a therapist is genuinely moved by a client’s story, empathy occurs naturally, and the therapist conveys this to the client. This also adds to the misconception about the therapist’s role as being a “blank slate.” This approach was once common in therapy, and some media portrayals of therapists may perpetuate this image as well.
That said, some therapists may still adhere to the “blank slate” role. However, coming from a humanistic perspective, I believe in authenticity and bringing my true self into sessions, as I have witnessed that this is one of the most effective ways to engage with clients.
